Are you the CEFO?
I recently read a post from fellow coach Allie Irwin that sent me down a rabbit hole of thoughts about all the things we as managers, spouses, and parents might be juggling (or feel like we are juggling):
scheduling all the things
organizing bags, meals, events, spaces, and peopling
planning the scheduled and organized things
managing and directing through the unscheduled time
performing the follow-ups; memorializing the events and moments
executing the plans
motivating the team or ourselves
brainstorming and managing feedback loops and/or reward distribution
corralling the herds or the ideas or resources required to execute any and all of the above.
Big thinking. Resource Management. Planning.
From underneath any of the hats that we are wearing, it is easy to step back and think about the roles that you may not want to be in charge of on a regular basis, the roles that you have a hard time relinquishing, and the roles that you want to see others grab a hold of now or in the future. There is one more role that I invite you to consider: the role you play in the choices before you.
Are you choosing to hold tight to the reins, even when you say you want to relinquish control? Are you choosing action or inaction? Are you choosing to accept the discomfort in an effort to pass the baton or are you choosing to sit in the discomfort of managing every detail? Are you choosing to take control only to hide your head in the sands of indecision, worry, or doubt? What role are you choosing in the opportunity for the personal development of both yourself and those in your circle?
It is typical in the home for one parent or partner to serve as the Chief Executive Function Officer (CEFO). We could go into the sundry reasons how they come to this role, but for the sake of your attention, let's just assume that you are that CEFO. You are the key master for all decision matrices, the holder of records, the schedule keeper, bill payer, carpool coordinator, chef, housekeeping… you get the picture. Whether or not you intentionally chose to take on these roles, they have landed on your shoulders. Today, I invite you to choose how you manage all of these roles going forward. Where do you want to be in 30, 60, 90 days? What do you need to get there?
In your career, there is often an opportunity for promotions or job changes that shake up the roles you play within your company or industry. For a CEFO in the professional world, it may feel easier to make those choices to shed or redistribute roles as we grow into new challenges or positions. We delegate distinct roles like finances, training, calendar or facilities management with more ease. In fact, it is often appropriate to expect more than one person to manage all of these different roles. Even small companies or soloprenuers may reach a point where outsourcing skills or tasks become a wise endeavor.
What might happen if we looked at our personal life through a similar lens?
What if stepping outside of the emotion provided a new perspective to lay over our choices? I'm in no way suggesting emotions be discounted on any front, but what if we sit with those emotions, noticing them fully, and considering them in conjunction with the choices we want or need to make. Finding a balance between partners - one that encourages independence, collaboration, and communication - might look more like sharing the load of logistics and resource management, handing off finances to the partner that enjoys that task, negotiating tasks and timelines, and determining if and what to outsource when appropriate. For a parent, it might look like providing your child the opportunity to practice the executive function skills they will need in the next season of their development. It looks a lot like letting go. The emotions associated with these choices may range anywhere from elation to fear.
Choose
What role am I playing?
Choosing to pass the baton to others can often dredge up all sorts of feelings that are less comfortable, especially when we have been the CEFO for all of the brains under roof. The next time you begin to feel like the world rests on your shoulders, ask yourself "What about this is true?” and when you have had a minute to digest that, follow it up with “What role am I choosing to play?"