ADHD Masking: What Part of Yourself Did You Hide to Be Accepted?
ADHD masking, also called camouflaging, is the effort to hide or minimize ADHD traits in order to fit in or avoid judgment.
This was today's prompt in Held & Honest's Back to You journal. My first thought was, "Did I hide anything?" My second was, "Well, don't we all mask at some point?" We can call it politeness, temperance, or assimilation. Almost any word is gentler than "hiding."
Why Masking Feels So Exhausting
But masking is anything but comfortable. It isn't authentic, and in nearly every case I can think of, for myself or a client, it has been about appearing "normal" or being "accepted" in a crowd that feels less than safe to share all of oneself. Staying on constant alert for the part you're playing is like living in a perpetual skit. Even actors get stage breaks. What would it feel like to never feel safe enough to take off the stage makeup, slip into comfy clothes, and share a laugh with friends?
What Research Says About ADHD Masking
It feels fitting to ask this during Halloween month and ADHD Awareness Month. I've had countless conversations with clients about the masks they wear to "fit in" or protect themselves from judgment, hiding some of their most wonderful selves from an audience that doesn't know the script. A 2024 study published in Autism Research found that adults with ADHD self-reported more camouflaging than neurotypical adults matched by age and sex (van der Putten et al., 2024). The researchers set out to test whether camouflaging is unique to autism or whether other neurodivergent brains mask too. It's an important distinction to help us understand somone's lived experience in the world. I love science. I love it even more when it focuses on questions like this one.
What Helps the Mask Come Off
When you're surrounded by people who feel safe, the mask gets much easier to take off. Not everyone connects with their best circles of humans right away, and when neurodivergence is one of the parts you've been hiding, the effort often compounds. You aren't only managing how you come across; you're also doing the extra work of monitoring, editing, and recovering. For many clients I work with, that looks like rehearsing conversations ahead of time, holding back the fidgeting or tangents that feel natural, and arriving home depleted from a day that looked "fine" from the outside. That mask can quietly cost more than it protects.
Seeing the Masks Other People Wear
Masking also changes how we read the people around us. If someone you love has ADHD, what you see may be the polished version of a much harder effort. The friend who seems effortlessly "together" at the party may be white-knuckling it, and the one who falls apart at home may have simply run out of energy to hold it together. Kids carry this too. A child who has felt deeply rejected by peers all day may unravel the moment they get home, and a parent's comfort can go a long way. Adults rarely get that grace; we're expected to be, well, grown-up about it. Since we know adults with ADHD camouflage, it's worth pausing before we label what we see as flaky, irresponsible, moody, or inconsistent. Consider what it may have taken for them to show up the way they did.
A Question to Sit With
What is one place this week where you could set the mask down, even for ten minutes?
Frequently Asked Questions
What is ADHD masking?
ADHD masking, also called camouflaging, is the effort to hide or minimize ADHD traits in order to fit in or avoid judgment. Clients often describe it as constant self-monitoring that leaves them drained.
Do adults with ADHD mask?
Research says yes. A 2024 study in Autism Research found that adults with ADHD self-reported more camouflaging than neurotypical adults matched by age and sex, though less than autistic adults. The authors note that more research is needed on how masking relates to mental health and later diagnosis.
Source: van der Putten, W. J., et al. (2024). Is camouflaging unique for autism? A comparison of camouflaging between adults with autism and ADHD. Autism Research, 17(4), 812-823. doi:10.1002/aur.3099
This post is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional diagnosis, treatment, or medical advice. If you think you may have ADHD, consider talking with a qualified healthcare professional.
Kate Barrett is the founder of Coaching Cville, an ADHD coaching practice in Charlottesville, Virginia.